The Next Step
by Snark-N-Moon
Summary: Set in 'the Heart of the Cards' universe. It has been over a year since the two became a couple, and all has been going well between them. However, Wander has a proposition for Lord Hater that he hopes he won't turn down... Skeleton Dance Porn.


Dating someone like Lord Hater sure was an interesting experience. Not a terrible one, no, not at all! But certainly a bit of a challenge. One had to be very keen on the skeletal overlord's moods, and figure out how to read them. Just learning the difference between him being a natural sourpuss and when he was truly upset had taken his wandering weirdo of a boyfriend some time to figure out. A fun challenge, and one certainly worthwhiled as far as Wander was concerned.

However, there was one thing that bothered him… WELL, 'bothered' was such a strong word. It had such negative connotations- and certainly he wouldn't want to claim it was a BAD thing! And yet, it still was a bit of a bind, all the same. Hater, not being the easiest fellow to read, tended to have a habit of confusing the nomad- and giving him mixed signals. Not that he was blaming him! Just that something between them was lost in translation, that was for sure.

To fully understand the story, it might be for the best to start from the beginning.

It had been over a year since Lord Hater had asked Wander and his best buddy Sylvia to help him acquire the Morning Star of Aurona. The trip had taken two days to navigate through the planet- many a dangerous obstacle doing their best to hinder them. From giant pits filled with rock snakes to talking tree people, it had taken all their strength and wits to get to the Ancient Temple of the Morning Star. Let alone all the booby traps and monsters that tried to destroy them INSIDE the place. No, in the end the gang had been victorious- the ancient relic had finally been in Lord Hater's grasp!

Only, to Wander's horror, to find out that the cute little wand had been an ultimate weapon of destruction all along. That the skeleton's talk of friendship had truly been a ruse to get the two nomads- Wander being pure of heart- to free the thing from its prison. And once Hater had what he came for, he had turned the tables and was prepared to destroy them.

Wander had never been so heart broken.

But, the story didn't end there. Wander and Sylvia had helped unleash this weapon on the universe, and it was THEIR duty to stop the evil overlord at all costs. So putting on their game faces, they charged forth into space- following the skull vessel that had sped off and left them- as they were ready to right their wrongs.

Meanwhile, Lord Hater had his OWN crisis to deal with.

It seemed that a pure heart was not only needed to gain the all powerful weapon, but to power it, as well. Without a pure soul to feed upon, the artifact was nothing more than a pointless child's toy. So perhaps that was why, when Wander and Sylvia were spotted infiltrating the ship, Hater saw it as a victory instead of a problem.

The two stowaways had been captured via watchdog handiwork, Sylvia was stashed away in a cage, while Wander was led to Lord Hater.

Ultimate power may have its rewards, but it was rarely worth the cost. The universe had lost its brightest star that day, as it fused with the Morning Star- and by extension, the one wielding it- Lord Hater.

Perhaps it was a result of being imbued with the nomad's pure energy, their souls binding into one, or maybe it was the sight of Wander's lifeless corpse on the ground- to his surprise, not what he had wanted after all- but something inside of Hater broke, as did the weapon under his foot. Wander's soul was freed, and after an embarrassing display of emotion, Hater had fled to sort himself out.

He still hadn't had much of anything sorted out by the time his birthday rolled around. But it seemed he hadn't been the only one who had been thinking about it.

12 AM, the morning of his birthday, there came a visitor in the night, and Wander brought with him a gift; his heart, wrapped neatly in a song. It was from that day on that Hater couldn't deny his own feelings for the orange mop of a man- no matter how embarrassing it was- as he found himself in a passionate first kiss. The best birthday he could remember in a long, long time.

And it was since then that the two had been together. Sure, it wasn't the smoothest ride- what greatest love stories ever were? But it had been one big adventure after the next, as the two would go their separate ways only to come back to each other time and time again. They were happy with the strange little love story they had made together- even if not everybody around them was.

There was just one itty bitty tiny- hardly even worth mentioning- problem that Wander found himself with, and one he thought of often.

_Where did they go from there?_

* * *

Had it been long enough?

That was a question Wander had been asking himself more and more lately. Was a year a sufficient amount of bonding time, before diving into more mature waters? He didn't want to rush things, or make the guy feel pressured... but despite Sylvia assuring him that a year was plenty of time, Wander still had his doubts.

Mostly because Hater had not once ever expressed any desire to do that sort of thing. Never mentioned, even offhandedly, anything relating to the actual act. But he was probably just being shy; it took Hater some coaxing just to initiate a kiss- which Wander found adorable.

That was fine! Wander was fine with being the one to suggest it. And that night was the night. He had been invited over, Sylvia had made sure she was busy elsewhere. Wander himself was clad in a light blue teddy nightgown-made for women two sizes larger than he- and a dark wig. Everything was set. He lay in the middle of Hater's water bed, and he waited, the tune he hummed helping to keep his nerves in check.

Wander found his excitement and nerves reaching full mass by the time he heard noise from outside Lord Hater's door. Sounds of footsteps could be heard, accompanying two very familiar voices as a trace of a conversation was being had. The door opened with a metallic click, as Hater stepped into the room grumbling.

"Peepers, I don't care WHAT your excuses are- just fix them! You're the one that keeps INSISTING the dumb planet is important ANYway!"

The watchdog followed before stopping in the doorframe- knowing full well he wasn't welcomed into the overlord's room unless invited. Doing his best to keep his own calm, the second in command took out the charts he had been carrying in the manilla folder in his hands.

"Sir, as I keep TRYING to tell you, the one snag WILL be fixed. It'll just take a little more time for us to make a weapon we can actually USE on the planet that won't cause it to blow up from the excessive buildup of methane gases." Crossing his arms across his small frame, Commander Peepers continued. "Or do you WANT the place to explode the first moment a watchdog fires their gun?"

"Heh heh."

"It isn't funny! The number of work-related injuries has skyrocketed this past month and it's really cutting into our bud-"

Peepers froze mid-sentence, as he glanced past Hater and noticed Wander sitting on the bed, staring blankly at them.

"-get." he finished, shrilly. Oh boy. That was gross. He suddenly wished he was anywhere but there at that moment.

Hater followed the watchdog's gaze, and stared at Wander, unimpressed.

When it finally dawned on him that all eyes were on him, Wander yelped, and quickly threw a pillow over his bare feet, grinning bashfully.

"Oh! Heh, pardon."

The manilla folder was now used as a vision shield, as Peepers held it up as he spoke to Hater.

"I'll uh. We'll talk this over later, yeah?"

Hater's mumbling was good enough for him. Peepers scurried out of the doorway and down the hall- eager to get back to work and overpower the image of what he had just seen with numbers and figures.

"FINALLY!" Hater groaned, slamming his bedroom door shut. "I thought that guy would NEVER shut up! Oh, hey, Wander."

Wander frowned, as he watched the overlord plop down on the edge of his bed, and flick on his gaming box. Hey Wander? That was it? Hmm. Maybe he was being too subtle. Or maybe Hater was just tired! Yeah, that was probably it.

Wander shuffled down to the edge of the bed, and sat next to his boyfriend, watching him play.

"Playin' your game, huh?" he whispered after a while.

"Yup."

"Cool! Cool."

"Uh huh."

"... You must be real tired after a long day of overlordin', huh?"

"Eh."

Wander threw a look towards the screen as Hater played some fighting game he hadn't seen him play before. The nomad swung his feet, gripping the edge of the bed, as he watched in silence. The skeleton, however, continued to ignore him as his swordsman gave a final thrust- defeating the large demon-looking bad guy on the screen. Wander found himself jolting alert with a snap, as Lord Hater growled- throwing his controller across the room.

"It's POINTLESS! I've beaten this guy like a kajillion times already! I've finished ALL these stupid games- how's a guy to RELAX when there's nothing to do? Huh? I'M BORED OUTTA MY SKULL, HERE!"

Wander's grin was back- yes! This was his chance. He scooted closer to Hater, and leaned up as far as he could- just short of the top of Hater's shoulder.

"Well..." he began trying his best to put on a sultry tone. Hater eyed him, with mild impatience and confusion. "We could always just... go t'bed?" He locked eyes with Hater, hoping he was getting through. After a short pause, he added a "Boip-boip?" for good measure.

It felt like eternity as Hater stared back. It was hard to tell whether or not the wheels were turning in there. Finally, Hater sighed loudly, rolled his eyes, and stood up off of the bed, causing Wander to flop over where he had previously been.

"Yeah, fine, whatever."

Wander watched as Hater walked around the bed, and plopped down onto it, staring up at the ceiling, arms folded comfortably behind his head, face set in a grumpy frown.

"But I'm not even tired. I'm like, SO totally awake right now, there's NO way-" loud, obnoxious snoring cut the sentence right there, as the overlord fell into a deep slumber. Wander frowned deeply at him from the foot of the bed, before crawling up, and sighing. A spare blanket was procured from who-knows-where, and draped over the snoozing skeleton, and a smooch was placed on his cheek.

"I guess you WERE tired. Next time, then." Wander gave a weary smile, slipped off the bed, and trudged his way out of the door- tripping and stumbling on his too-long nightgown as he did so.

* * *

A couple weeks- and one new weapon- later, the methane caverns of Fartopia were successfully conquered. The watchdogs cheered as Hater made his way back up his ship's tongue- clapping as they followed him inside. The evil overlord found himself smiling proudly from all the hooping and hollering, as his second in command walked by his side.

"Well DONE, Lord Hater! That had to be the best 'gloating over the fallen' evil speech I've heard from you yet. Top performance, all around!"

The skeleton scoffed.

"PFFT, as if I need YOU telling me that. I KNOW when I rock!" He looked down at his commander, still smirking all the while. "But, I totally OWNED those guys! Did ya see how that dumpy queen was all 'boo hoo, my poor planet' before I kicked her dumb butt off her throne?"

"I did, indeed, sir! I don't think I've seen you cackle that maniacally in ages!"

"I knoooow!" Hater had made it to his own ship's throne room, going up the stairs before plopping in his skull chair. He sighed contently. "It just feels so GOOD to be so bad."

"And nobody tops the evil charts like you, sir." Peepers composed himself, clearing his throat as he got his boss' attention. "Which is why I have a little surprise planned for you. Me and the boys just had a hunch this was going to go as well as it did, so I had the guys down in the food court prepare something special for you."

"Huh? 'Surprise'? Peepers, you KNOW I hate surprises!"

"Oooh, but I think you won't oppose to THIS one." Taking out his standard issued communicator, the commander pressed the button before speaking once more- this time into it. "Alright, Bob, bring it in!"

Soon after, a cart was wheeled in with an enormous cake atop it. This actually managed to make Hater smile; cake might not have been his FAVORITE, but it was definitely a surprise he could handle! The army stepped aside as the cake made its way through the crowd.

What happened next wasn't something anyone in the room could handle, however.

Hater, Peepers, and the two watchdogs that had wheeled out the cake, all screamed, as the top of the cake nearly exploded, and an orange, fuzzy beast sprang forth up out of the cake-

"c-C-CONGRATS HATER!" Wander stammered, teeth chattering inside a forced grin, arms wrapped tightly around himself as he shivered. The tiny bikini he wore did nothing to warm him.

"I told you we shouldn't refrigerate the cake, man..." the one watchdog hissed to the other.

Hater's jaw dropped, nearly falling to the floor as it bounced off his lap. Catching it and snapping it back to the rest of his face, the skeleton sputtered.

"W-WANDER?! What are YOU doing in there?"

Wander didn't get time to answer as Lord Hater whipped his head to the side and glared at his second in command. The overlord pointed at the cake as he growled.

"Peepers, what did I say about trying to destroy Wander?! WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!"

The tiny watchdog squeaked, putting his hands up defensively.

"But, I… that wasn't me! I didn't even know he was on the SHIP, let alone in the CAKE!"

"N-now now, Hater, there ain't any need t'go yellin' at M-Mister Peepers over there; this was totally my idea." A foot came up- wearing a sock- and Wander stepped up out of the cake. When the other foot came up, he lost his footing on the slippery icing and slid down the cake, leaving a butt trail down the side of it.

"... WHY?" Hater demanded, thoroughly perplexed. Was ruining food considered a compliment on whatever backward planet Wander had come from? Why the bikini? Why did he have himself FROZEN? None if it made any sense!

Wander wilted right there on the cart, covered in cake and a little bit of shame. He didn't get it still? Not even this? Was the bikini not nice enough? Was he not working it? Wander had a shipload of his own questions.

"Well, b'cause... I mean, I thought maybe you'd... shoot." Wander averted his sad gaze, and started picking bits of icing off his butt.

Hater chose to ignore the mumbling of 'maybe you should' from Peepers next to him, as the overlord continued to stare at his boyfriend in confusion. And his bewilderment only doubled as Wander sighed, before apologizing and excusing himself. The icing covered nomad made his way through the crowd, head held low and arms limping forward as he trudged out the door- even the wolf whistle of a passing soldier did nothing to boost his moral.

Lord Hater blinked a few times, before turning to look at the ruined cake once more.

"I'm not going to eat that."

* * *

Celebrations continued on without Wander; soda-chugging contests and guitar-playing performances by Hater abound. All in all, a pretty good day, as far as Lord Hater was concerned.

It was, according to his newly conquered planet's schedule, a little past 2 AM by the time Hater finally returned to his room, still hyped up on carbonated beverages. He gave a half-hearted wave to the nomad smiling at him sadly from his bed... huh. He had assumed Wander had gone home after being TOTALLY embarrassed earlier.

"Hey, uhh... missed a totally AWESOME party out there."

"Yeah, I know." Wander replied, watching as Hater changed into his nightgown and sleeping cap. "Hater, can I ask ya somethin'?" he asked after a bout of silence. He patted the bedding on his side, signalling for Hater to sit beside him. Hater, instead, jumped onto bed, sending Wander flipping into the air, and landing on the floor.

"Heh... nice one!" Wander complimented, climbing back up on to the bed.

"Yup." Hater replied, with a confident smirk. "So what's the question?"

The nomad sat next to his boyfriend, fiddling with his fingers, in silence.

"... Uh, Hello?" Hater tried. Wander took a deep breath. When Wander did speak up, his voice was tiny, sheepish.

"Hater? Do you think I'm ... ugly?"

"... HUH? Where… where did THAT come from? I mean, yeah, OLD- I totally hate that guy- me would have said you were a disgusting furry annoying dishrag. But now?" The skeleton paused before looking away, no longer being able to take the attentive eyes of the other on him any longer. He coughed. "I GUESS you're okay? You got that cute and fluffy thing going for you, if you're into that sorta junk."

Which Hater supposed he was, not that he was planning on saying THAT part out loud.

Some semblance of a smile had returned to Wander's face, as he picked at the edges of his hat brim, distractedly.

"Sooo... you think I'm cute?" He asked, glancing up, only briefly.

"Well yeah, like fluffy bunny cute, I guess." Hater shrugged. He hoped this conversation would be over soon. He didn't like being reminded of the fact he was dating a fluffy bunny.

"Oh." Wander replied simply and quietly. Silence stretched out between them, yet Hater felt, with dread, the conversation was far from over.

"Whaaaat?" Hater groaned after the silence became too heavy to bear. Another sigh from Wander. He was already tired of that sound.

"Hater, have you ever... have I ever made y'feel like... uh, doin' more than just smoochin'?"

Hater found himself glaring in annoyance.

"'MORE'? We already cuddle, even hold HANDS, what more do you WANT from me?!"

"Well yes, and those things are great!" Wander's voice was stronger now, but he still found it difficult to look at the guy as he talked to him. That was just rude, and he knew it.

"Buuut... have you ever thought about... y'know..." the hat was left and he held his hands in front of himself, before folding them together. "Doin' the do? Hater am I movin' too fast here, b'cause if I am I will stop but I need you to tell me!" The last sentence was spoken so hurriedly, urgently, that most of the words ran in together.

Hater was silent for a moment as he hid his face under his hood, which was starting to drive the nomad bonkers from worry. Wander was about to speak up again, when the evil overlord tilted his head- showing the confusion that had previously been hidden.

"Uh, doing WHAT now?"

"... the dirty tango?"

Still nothing was registering with the skeleton and that was very evident. Wander tried again.

"Knockin' boots?"

Silence.

"You know, Hater, hittin' the ol' home run? Makin' whoopee? Gosh, I don't think I KNOW any other friendly n' polite ways t' say it."

The nomad's boyfriend was not amused. Crossing his arms across his chest, Lord Hater growled in impatience.

"You know I hate when you use your stupid made up hillbilly phrases for things- just stop beating around the bush and TELL me what the heck you're talking 'bout!"

Wander was silent for a minute, while he finally gathered the courage to look at Hater sternly.

"Sex. I am talking about sex, Hater. Do you, want to have sex, with me?" Oh, he was so embarrassed, saying that word out loud! But he managed to keep his eyes on him this time.

And Hater gaped back. Now there was a word he knew. He often forgot that sex was a thing that many species did. It took him a while to get his mouth to work.

"You uh. You do sex?" Not exactly the most coherent sentence ever, but it would do. Wander's chuckle didn't help lift his sudden embarrassment at all. He even flinched when his fuzzy boyfriend snuggled up against his arm.

"Well I would LIKE to, if you're interested..."

Hater, completely flushed in the face, found himself looking away before saying two words that tore the smile from Wander's face.

"I can't."

"... Oh." Wander let go of the arm he had previously been trying to snuggle as he sat up straight. He looked at his hands sadly as he twiddled his thumbs. " It's me, isn't it? I'm movin' in way too fast for ya, aren't I? Oh, I told Sylvia I mighta been a lil' too eager like I always am. You know me when I go n' get all excited, can sometimes forget other people might not be as gung-ho 'bout things. I'm real sorry, Hater. I didn't mean to make ya feel pressured. Take as much time as y'need, this IS rather intimate n' personal."

Hater, still not looking at him, remained silent. This seemed to only worry the nomad more.

"It's not.. anything else, is it? I mean, we're still fine n' dandy, right? We don't need t'get on with hanky panky any time soon, I really am fine waiting."

There was still no reply.

Wander swallowed hard. He wished Hater would say something, anything! The silence often said too much. The silence told Wander how repulsive Hater found him. The silence whispered to him that Hater felt nauseated just being around him. Wander decided it might be best to drown out that wicked silence.

"It IS somethin' else, ain't it? ... Is it b'cause I don't bathe enough? Do I smell bad?" he paused to sniff his own armpit- but of course he had just showered to get rid of the cake and icing in his fur. That wasn't the problem, and Hater didn't answer either way. "Is it because I'm not a pretty girl? Are my wigs not convincing enough? What if I got BETTER wigs?"

Hater still said nothing, but he brought his knees up to his chest, and Wander's heart nearly shattered.

"... Have you been meanin' t'break up with me?" The nomad was on the verge of tears, and his trembling, whimpering voice reflected that. He jumped when Hater suddenly yelled.

"What? NO! It's NONE of that stupid stuff ya just said! When I SAID I can't, I MEANT I CAN'T!"

Now it was Wander's turn to sit in stunned silence.

"My species doesn't... you know, DO sex." Hater had at least stopped shouting, but he still sounded perturbed. " I don't even have a... y'know?" His hesitence to say the word had less to do with being shy, and a lot more to do with the word not coming to mind. What were those things called again?

Wander's wide eyes trailed from Hater's face, to his lap. "...Oohhhh."

Hater found himself crossing his legs, glaring at the orange mop next to him.

"Would you stop staring already!"

"Oh, sorry. I just didn't realize that… wait, then why d'ya wear undergarments then?"

"UH, why do YOU wear dumb dresses?"

"Fair enough!" Wander found himself laughing, feeling so relieved. "Oh boy, why didn'tcha jus' say so in the first place? An' here ya had me worryin' up a storm that there was a problem!"

"... There isn't one? Aren't YOU going to break up with ME now that you know I can't… do that stuff?"

"Of course not, Hater!" Wander gasped, almost as if he was horrified from the very thought. "You don't need t'have that sort of fun to have a lovin' relationship. Gosh, I guess it was jus' rude of me t'go assuming you would want to do it at all. I fell for you for you, not for your parts. It's just good to know I wasn't bein' turned down 'cause ya hate me!"

Hater's knees drew back up and he mumbled a "Well, good." into them. Wander had planned on spending the night, whether they ended up doing the do or not, but seeing how flustered and embarrassed the overlord was now, he decided maybe it was better if he left.

Wander stood up and planted a kiss on the side of his boyfriend's mouth. "G'night, Hater. Love you!" he lilted.

"Yeah me too." Hater continued to mumble, Wander hopped off the bed, and started toward the door, his gait so bouncy it was nearly a skip. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so relieved!

So out bounced the nomad, being sure to close the door behind him. Once it shut, with a click, Wander was officially gone.

Leaving Hater much more troubled than when he had come.

It had taken a few days for that feeling to go away. Many times while Hater was supposed to be listening to Peepers ramble or while he had been doing something mind numbing, he would suddenly catch himself thinking about the last conversation with his boyfriend. SEE, life was easier when one wasn't aware they were missing something- something that many people apparently had and you did not. And being straight up told that you were lacking in an area had a way of making one feel… unnatural. Like they weren't good enough. That they now weren't the GREATEST because you couldn't provide something that your loved one apparently wanted.

Do you have any idea how maddening that was?!

But as time went on, and Commander Peepers began demanding more of his attention on other schemes, the issue slipped from Lord Hater's mind. And as days rolled by, soon becoming a week, the skeletal overlord had forgotten about the conversation at all. All was right and back on track, as it should be.

By the time Wander came for another visit, with plans to spend the night, Hater was feeling as comfortable around him as usual.

"Seen it. Seen it. Stupid. Boring. Seen it. Chick flick. Stupid AND boring." Hater mumbled as he flicked through the channels as he lay in his bed, Wander snuggled up against him, already asleep. Hater gave up and clicked the hover screen off, followed by the lamp beside his bed, and fell asleep, himself.

Hater was the greatest at most things, and sleeping was no exception. He almost always slept soundly through the night, but this night, something awoke him. His eyes opened sleepily, and he listened. Oh. It was just Wander, who was no longer cuddled up against him, moaning in his sleep. It sounded like he was having a nightmare. Hater tried his best to get back to sleep, but every time he felt himself on the threshold, Wander would make another sound and he would be jolted back awake.

After a while of this, Hater's anger built up until he decided the only way he was going to get ANY sleep, was if Wander was woken up.

"Wander!" Hater hissed. The noises stopped. So did Wander's breathing. It was quiet now, but not a welcome sort of quiet.

"Sorry!" Wander whispered back, finally. "Was I bein' too loud?"

"YES," the overlord growled, back still towards the nomad. "How am I supposed to sleep when you keep making weird noises?!"

Hater found himself struggling under the covers as he rolled over, ready for the annoying orange mop to see just how displeased he was that he woke him. Once he did, he was full out glaring. The scowl turned to a look of surprise, however, as Hater took in a strange sight. One that his sleep deprived brain couldn't even register.

"Wander… WHAT. Are you. DOING?"

It suddenly dawned on Hater that it looked as if Wander was fighting an octopus that was trying to escape from his... his butt?

"I'm sorry!" Wander repeated, his breathing resumed and uneven. "I tried sleepin', but these fellers just... decided they needed some attention, and... they don't like takin' no for an answer! I'll try t'be quieter, Hater, I pruh! Promise." He would have offered to take it elsewhere, but the long black tentacle wrapped around his right leg, trailing down inside of his sock, had other plans.

No, that wasn't his butt...

The overlord didn't mean to stare, but what else was he supposed to do in this situation? What was he even staring at? Was Wander being attacked? Having a baby? Should he DO something?

"Uh... okay. But... what is this? Should, should I... is it, like, hurting you, or...?" He was really faltering here.

Wander found himself laughing despite himself.

"Oh, you know, jus' the ol' genitals risin' from slumber. It happens."

Hater blinked, trying to find recognition in the word, before something struck him.

"Wait, you mean that's a...a.." The overlord found himself growing self conscious over how loud he was getting, making sure his next words were a harsh whisper. "That's a 'sex' thing, isn't it?!"

Hater didn't know much about the parts needed for such acts, besides once in a while coming across a word or two as he was searching the galactic web. But that was all they were, words. And he certainly never came across descriptions of them being some sort of ferocious monster!

….Maybe he lucked out on finding himself lacking such abominations after all.

"Yup, these are m'sex things." Wander said, successful in keeping his giggles at bay, but unable to hide his grin. "It's m'own fault they get like this; I guess I go too long just ignorin' the poor things."

Hater continued to stare, and Wander didn't seem to mind one bit. The nomad, in Hater's opinion, looked and sounded far too relaxed for what he was dealing with. One of his hands slid slowly, lazily, up and down one of them, as if he were petting it.

"So they want sex?" the overlord asked, suddenly feeling that wave of inferior dread return.

Wander must have caught on to this feeling. "Oh! Yuh, I suppose. But that's exactly what I'm doin'; I'm uh, well, I guess you could say I'm sexin' myself. I don't mind if you wanna keep watchin', though..."

Shock made it hard for Hater to speak, as he continued to stare at Wander's squirming nether region. Before his boyfriend could ask if something was wrong, the skeleton nodded his head.

"Y-yeah, okay. I'll just, uh, watch or something. _Whatever._"

"Okey dokey, then!"

And watch Hater did, as Wander began to touch himself again. Small hands moved up and down the beast, even in the dark the overlord could see that the thing in his grasp was slimey. Wander went up and down the tentacle's length, squeezing it as the other strange limbs flailed about. Hater's eyes found their way up the small frame of the man, before finally landing on Wander's face. It was there Hater noted the half-lidded expression and small smile that twisted his face into something Hater COULD recognize- enjoyment.

It was after a few minutes of watching that the overlord found himself verbal once more.

"So… that actually feels, uh, I mean… you… you LIKE that?"

"Uh huh. They're real sensitive..." Wander took his free hand, and ran a single finger up the length of one. The tentacle immediately coiled back, trying to grab the finger that had pet it, but missed. " 'Specially when it's been a while. Sends these nice tinglies through m'gutty works!"

Hater couldn't help but wonder if he could make them do that.

"So... does it have to be YOUR hand?"

"Naw! Doesn't even have t'be a hand. This one time, they got hold of a pilla', and- well, never mind. ... Did you wanna try, Hater?" Wander hoped he wasn't being too forward, too expectant, here.

TRY? To touch one of those THINGS? Why in the nine universes would he want to go and do something as DISGUSTING as that? Just LOOKING at the things were enough for Hater to feel like he was covered in the guck that was oozing out from them. But… as he went back and forth between between staring at his boyfriend's hopeful face and the tentacle monster… the skeleton couldn't deny that he was certainly curious.

"It won't bite me or anything, will it?"

"Naaah. They're eager fellas, but they don't get vicious."

"...Oh." Hater's finger twitched, as he raised it slowly. Before stretching his arm out, he reeled himself back in. "Uh… is there anything I need to do first or something? You sure I won't hurt THEM?"

"Sure I'm sure! Just go on, an' give 'em a little pet." Wander urged. It was hard to tell if these things had minds of their own, or if the nomad moved them himself. Especially when the one closest to Hater lifted up toward him, as if it were looking at him.

Hesitantly, the overlord tried again to will his finger close enough to at least poke the thing. Before he could, the tip of the curious tentacle wrapped around the tip of his finger. He flinched, but didn't pull away.

"Aww! It wants t'hold hands with ya, Hater!" Wander cooed.

"Uh. Well yeah! Of course it does. I AM Lord Hater, the best date in the galaxy." His sudden boost in confidence allowed him to stroke the side of it with his free hand. His eyes shot up to Wander's face when he heard his breath catch.

"I thought you said it didn't hurt?"

"N-no, it doesn't. I'm fine- better than fine! It.. feels really good when you do that."

"You mean this?"

Hater repeated his previous action, his gloved hand stroke the limb as if he was was petting Captain Tim. Again, Wander's breath was shaky as he squirm against the bed. The nomad made a strange mix of a moan and a laugh as he replied.

"Mmm, heh, yes, that. Me n' the fellas like it."

Hater found his confident smirk. Along with his confidence to fuel it, naturally. If a simple stroke made him squirm like THAT, what would happen if...

The looming skeleton re-situated himself, so he was kneeling in front of Wander. He shook his hand until the slimy tentacle slipped off of his finger, and wrapped his whole hand around it, instead. His other hand wrapped around the third- and he smirked up at Wander, as he began to pump his hands up and down, as he had watched Wander do.

Wander's legs jerked, and he made a noise one might make when lifting something heavy. He had never had all three of his "fellas" stroked at once like that. Sure, he had tried grouping them together for a three-way rubdown, but they were just too darn wiggly.

Hater was able to tell that the man under him liked it. So he did it again, and again. It was strange feel altogether, the three tentacles felt like muscles. Fleshy and meaty- and oh so slippery. The only difference between them and holding, say an arm of one of his watchdog soldiers, was the fact that arms had a solidness to them that these didn't. A hardness could be found when you squeeze an arm, because inside them were bones. But, Hater realized as the strange members tried to coil around his hands every time he pumped them, these things didn't have that at all.

Lord Hater was distracted from his musings as Wander's legs twitched- his toes digging into the cotton blankets. The nomad was practically humming from joy.

"Oh Hater, you sure got a way with your hands there. Ya sure you've never done this before?"

The skeleton scoffed.

"Of COURSE I'm sure! I would think I would remember doing anything like… uh, anything like this!"

Perhaps all three at once was a bit too much. Wander let go of the one he had been attending to, and flopped his tired arm out onto the bed, and stared blissfully up at the ceiling.

"I know I won't be forgettin' it anytime soon..." he said.

That dreaded weight had finally been lifted. Hater was doing it; he was doing sex! This was easy! And he was pretty darn good at it, too, if he did say so himself. His internal ego trip was cut short when a tentacle, unhappy about being neglected, brushed against his chin. He recoiled back with a little gasp.

"Don't! I'm busy being awesome at sex!" he muttered to it.

Wander looked down at his members as he noted the stray tentacle was busy trying to fondle Hater's face once more. He grew warm in the face from embarrassment.

"Oops, sorry 'bout that. They do that sometimes, goin' on causin' trouble and tryin' to find warm places. But don't worry 'bout him, you don't have to do anything you don't want to just 'cause he demands it."

Okay, now the skeletal overlord was just plain confused again. Still keeping his grip on the two members in his hands, Hater used his elbow to nudge the thing away from his mouth. He glared.

"What does THAT mean? You're telling me it's trying to get in my mouth, or something?"

...That sounded utterly revolting. Was that a thing people DID?!

Wander watched, shamefully, as it continued to prod at Hater's face. Maybe he should hold it again...

"Yeah, I'd say so. Can't recommend it, though. Last time I tried... well, I got all choked up, if y'get my meaning." he chuckled awkwardly.

Hater didn't really hear him, though. He was busy combating the pesky tentacle in his face. He blew at it- as if it were an errant lock of hair- and it momentarily recoiled. Seemed it didn't like the cold air, ha! Hater could see that the thing was going to try it again, but this time the overlord was ready for it! Hater smirked, before opening up his mouth to take in the deepest breath he could muster.

Unfortunately for him, the tentadick was faster. The next thing Hater knew, he was assaulted by the flailing member. Mouth full of strange penis, Lord Hater panicked as he let go of the others as he zapped the offender with his powers. This gave Hater enough time to spit the disgusting loin from his mouth, and was prepared to yell at the tentacle… when something dawned on him.

He had just fried a part of his boyfriend.

Actually worried, the skeleton gasped as he jerked his head towards Wander's direction.

"GYAH! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT! It just… IT ATTACKED ME! And… and, and I was going on instinct!"

Wander didn't reply right away, and Hater cringed when he saw why. The nomad's chest was heaving, a fist shoved into his mouth; to stop from screaming in agony, no doubt.

Hater began to panic and sputter. What did one say in a situation like this? Was there a handbook for "Accidentally Electrocuting Your Boyfriend's Genitals 101"? Never mind, that was stupid. Only losers read books, anyway.

But the fist was removed from his mouth, and Wander finally replied.

"Wooo! There's no reason to apologize, Hater. That. Was. Amazing! I almost squirted all over ya."

Lord Hater blinked… then he blinked again. He stared at the man under him, not believing what he had just heard.

"Are you telling me that you LIKED it?! Wait, are you telling me that you've ALWAYS liked when I was trying to zap you?"

Wander giggled at that.

"Well I always did enjoy our little games of chase, but you never did manage t'actually hit me! 'Course... if I'd known, I mighta' stayed put a time or two." Wander flashed him a cheeky Cheshire cat grin.

HUH, that… was kinda weird. Okay, not 'kinda', it was VERY weird! People weren't supposed to LIKE being hurt. Hurting others, sure- but people were designed to fight and run and do everything in their power to AVOID it. But here Wander was, the man he found himself fallen in love with, saying he enjoyed what Hater usually dished out to his enemy's only.

Lord Hater took a deep breath, before looking down at the tentacles once more. Stretching out his hand, he grabbed one of the wiggling members. With a quizzical glare, almost daring it to try something. Hater focused his power so that some of his electricity went straight into the flesh.

The skeleton's head jerked up at the sudden buck of Wander's hips. Recovering from the second jolt, Wander squirmed as electric tingles raced up his spine. His foggy gaze met with Hater's piercing green stare.

"You keep that up, an' I'm just bound to pop." He could feel his tentacles growing slicker, even lightly dampening the fur around his groin and upper legs. He would definitely need another shower after this; he just hoped he wasn't staining Hater's sheets too badly.

"Good!" Hater began, confidently, and then fumbled. "Uh... right?"

Getting a nod, the overlord took this as confirmation for him to continue. Yeah, okay, he liked it. His weird mop of a boyfriend liked it. And darn it, what Wander liked he was going to get. So, with his other hand, he decided to try grabbing BOTH of the remaining tentacles left. It was a bit difficult, but not impossible. With the members completely soaked from their own lubricant, it made it a lot easier for what Hater did next. Focusing his powers, he made it so the electricity danced across his palms. But he didn't stop there- next, still controlling his static, the skeleton began pumping the three of them in a steady rhythm. Up, down, up, down. The more he got into it, the more he naturally felt himself twist his hands around the elongated shafts with each go.

A part of his brain couldn't help but think this wasn't too different than max tapping the buttons on his game controller.

"Oh!"

The nomad clutched the bedsheets at either side of him, as his back arched, lifting his hips off the bed again. He made a strained, almost choking moan as his heels dug into the waterbed. This was far too much, the fire was building rapidly; much quicker and much more intense than he had ever been able to manage on his own. And he didn't want it to stop.

"Wow, Hater! You... you're... that... ohmygoodness." Wander let his head flop back against the pillow as he gave up trying to form a coherent sentence.

Hater found himself smiling proudly, jaw jutted in confidence. OH, he was good. His boyfriend was totally into it, and even the overlord was able to see it. Hater, squeezing the three lengths even harder, decided to try something a bit different. Amping up his electricity with every thrust, he alternated between the two intensities.

And Wander was going crazy over it. Electricity danced even behind his eyelids, lighting up his mind and senses like fireworks. As his impending orgasm neared, multiple emotions all mingled into one; excitement, lust, a tinge of fear and a lot of love.

Maybe that was why, when Wander did open his eyes, he wasn't too surprised to find himself in a deep, passionate liplock with his lover, his hands cupping the overlord's chin and cheek. Wander sighed into the skeleton's mouth, his lips curling into a smile as he noted Hater's surprised confusion. It didn't stay for long as the overlord's eyes closed- his hands slipping from the tangled members and cupping the nomad's back. As if this was just any other kiss, Hater went by instinct and brought the smaller man closer to him in a tight embrace.

Wander practically hummed from pure happiness. How someone was able to kiss at all without any lips was a mystery to Wander, but magic was rarely worth questioning. And magical was exactly how the moment felt. It wasn't long before Hater felt Wander shudder and shiver under his hands. The nomad broke the kiss to sigh loudly, and went limp against his chest.

"Wow. I don't. I've never. That was. Wow." Wander breathed, winded and spent.

Hater, still a bit dazed from the make out session, found himself smiling softly before scoffing.

"They don't call me the GREATEST for nothing!" Even if, in all actuality, it was only the overlord that called himself that at all. Hater went silent for a moment, however, as he blushed slightly. He cleared his throat before speaking again.

"I mean, uh, it… it WAS good, right?"

"The best!" Wander chirped back, nuzzling the bottom of Hater's chin with his cheek. And that was technically the truth; it WAS the best sexual experience Wander had ever had. But it was also the only sexual experience he had ever had, that wasn't with himself. "You must be a natural."

This, of course, gave the overlord a very much unneeded ego boost, and when Wander hopped out of his arms and onto the floor, Hater gave a quick fist pump.

"Aw yeah! Number one Sex Star!" he whispered, triumphantly. He froze when Wander glanced back at him.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

It took Lord Hater a moment to realize the fact Wander was walking away, still distracted from his own victory high. But once he did, the overlord did a double-take before stretching his arm out as he stretched himself across the bed.

"Wait, where the heck are you going? Isn't this the part where we… I dunno, cuddle or something?"

Wander stopped and turned, smiling at him.

"D'aww. We have all night to cuddle, and you can bet I plan on it! But at the moment..." he looked down and gestured to his nether regions; the tentacles were nowhere to be seen, but his fur and inner thighs glistened in the dim light with his spent juices. He could even feel some drying on his back where it had wiped off of Hater's gloves. "I need a little cleanup. Mind if I use your shower real quick?"

Hater stared at the bottom tufts of Wander's furskirt- wondering where the heck the long tentacles could have gone. Blinking, and deciding that was just yet another weird thing about the mop of a man he was in a relationship with, the skeleton nodded slowly.

"Yeah, okay. Sure, do whatever." He paused. "Except don't use my back scrubber- I don't want orange hair in it. I swear, if I find ONE orange hair on that thing-"

Wander laughed.

"Don't worry, Hater, I'm not gonna use it. All I need is a lil' soap, and I'm good t'go!"

And with that Hater sat up and onto the edge of the bed as he watched the nomad walk towards his private bathroom. It was then that he felt his nightgown cling to him in a funny way. Confused, the skeleton looked down to see that his chest was covered in the slimy substance that came from Wander's nethers. He groaned from disgust and frustration.

"UUUGH, you ruined my pajamas! WAY TO GO, WANDER!"

Lord Hater could hear the apology shouted over the running water and he grumbled. Great, now he was going to have to change into something else. As he began to undress, throwing his clothes on the floor over by his dirty laundry pile- and nearly missing his bag of chips he was totally saving for later. He mumbled to himself.

"He coulda warned me, stupid ungrateful furball. Next time, gonna have to take off my pjs or something…"

It was with surprise Hater realized just how okay he was with the thought of doing it again. Maybe not just once… but many times. A life time of it. And as he threw a glance to the bathroom door, where he knew his boyfriend to be, it made him aware that it was a relationship he didn't see- nor want- to end anytime soon. Feeling like a sap, he scoffed as he finished changing and plopped on the bed- ready to wait for the man he loved to return to him for the promised snuggling.

And that's exactly what he got.

**.:THE END:.**


End file.
